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Get to Know NIPS
We're a private secondary school with a fatal commitment to learning. Since 1636 we've been committed to teaching you, your family, and your deceased relatives. Come learn about us! See what's happening at our school.
Social Media
Thinktank
Adelaide (Programmer/Artist)
Oakley (Writer)
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
Application Process
Tuition and Fees
Tuition should be mailed in before the first school day in a first class package with tracking. No need to use the postal system, pop an envelope in any sewer grate in Boston and we'll find it.
We provide no aid or scholarships, so get your Kickstarters and Patreons together if you need financial help. Read below for all items we require from you before the school year begins.
Fees
- $1,000 for Room and Board
- $500 for Tuition
Fee must be mailed in cash only, no checks or credit card orders are accepted. Students must provide their own textbooks and supplies. Students are required to live on campus during the term.
Paraspiritual Requirement
One eternal, helltouched soul is required as payment. We recommend you steal a "free" soulbound package from a postal station near you for a safe and sound-proof delivery.
Other Payment Needed
- Four cans of wet cat food. Preferably fish-flavored.
School Supply List
Since your student will be living on campus, they will require the usual utilities needed for living alone. They will also need standard school supplies, such as pencils, notebooks, binders, etc. However, they will need a special set of equipment for necromancing, as well as a uniform. Read on for the specifications of the supplies required for your student to have a successful education.
Your student will need to purchase a uniform. These uniforms are puritanical inspired, and although not historically accurate, reflect our origins in a way that best represents the heart of our school. There are two uniforms to choose from, and are not limited by gender. Uniforms can be purchased at your local Spirit Halloween store, or on Amazon by typing in "puritan costume" in the search bar. Sizes run big.
Your student will also need a basic necromancers toolkit. You can purchase these at any necromancer supply store (we recommend the brand Stacy's BoneDog Kit for Juniors) or buy the parts on your own. You will need:
- A lancet
- A bonesaw
- Four sawblades
- Suture needles
- Two large knives
- A tourniquet (your favorite type)
Advanced students will need more specialized hardware. You can find these at garden supply stores everywhere. You will need:
- Pliers
- Large pliers
- Hedge trimmers
- Weed whacker
- A pair of safety scissors
Our History
If Boston is the City on the Hill, NIPS is the city underneath it. The very cornerstone of our school is embedded in the foundations of this great, godly capitol.
The building blocks of NIPS were famously discovered just after the official founding of the city. In 1632, a set of carved granite stairs were discovered upon excavation of a residential cellar, which led deep into the earth, to a collapsed domed chamber of possibly ancient religious nature. Unpainted and undecorated, the original intent of this room was left a mystery. The Puritans, seeing no purpose to maintaining the structure as they only served the God of Real Importance, began throwing their unwanted dead down the stairs, along with the contents of their chamberpots and other waste.
In tandem, like a skillful pas de deux, both the beginnings of the Boston sewer system and fledgling necromantic education began to develop. Citizens demanded public structures to contain the smell, while rambunctious teens stole crusty corpses from the mysterious granite basement. It was a partnership that would last centuries.
A formal school didn't develop until shortly after Harvard College was established, in 1636. The founder of NIPS, Puritan Necromancer Incessant Greenblow, was inspired by Harvard College, saying, "Hey, fhit, we fhould do fomething like that." He began holding informal workshops in the now-bustling sewers, rounding up the teenage body snatchers and gifting them with a valuable new hobby. While many died from the early mortality rate and poor understanding of corpse related diseases, those that survived excelled at the necromancy taught to them by Incessant Greenblow.
The first building constructed as part of the NIPS campus was the historic 1643 dormitory, fondly called Barebones Basin, a one room shack that housed all the students in a pit-like construction of discarded lumber. Turf wars began to break out between them, teenagers building defensive fortresses from wood splinters in each corner of the room, forming the basis of the house system. The southwest corner and its inhabitants was tragically lost to a sewage slide a year later, thus leaving us with the foundations for three houses. Definitely just three houses. Three total houses.
NIPS played an important part in the American Revolution. During the George Washington's famous crossing of the Delaware River, NIPS students were called upon to utilize our school's --at the time-- largest collection of corpses in North America. They moved a couple hundred of them into the river, in order to create a necromanced bridge of floating bodies for George Washington himself to step across and take down the British forces. NIPS retrieved the corpses afterwards, for further use.
With the ebb and flow of funding, buildings in the campus sewer system were repeatedly constructed and shortly thereafter collapsing due to their cheap architectural materials. It wasn't until the 19th century when a more permanent campus would be built. An accurate deception of NIPS in the Romantic Era appears in Nathaniel and Sophia Hawthorne's illustrated mid 19th century classic, Sweet Beggar Reiley. In this book, the titular, heart warming character is murdered, but brought back by a corrupt, con artist, puritanical student from NIPS.
Nothing suspicious at all happened in the 20th century.
There are many famous NIPS alumni! Here is a list of our favorites.
- Ruth Bader Ginsburg*
- Matt Damon*
- Nick Cannon*
- Nathaniel Hawthorne*
- Queen Elizabeth II*
- Matt Damon*
- Ol' Dirty Bastard*
- Matt Damon*
- Mark Twain*
- Betsy Ross*
- Condoleezza Rice*
- Melissa Joan Hart*
- Michelle Kwan*
- Matt Damon*
Apply Now
Is your son or daughter or empty shell of a child ready to take on the world and raise hell? Peruse our application process and see if you have what it takes!
Our Faculty
Amadeus O'Reilly
Guidance Counselor
Education: Masters in School Counseling from University of Pittsburgh, Masters in Feng Shui from National American University
Hobbies and Interests: I spend my free time curating home goods, perfecting my visual style, and making your life charming, sweetums :) Please check out my lifestyle blog at NecroFancy.biz and find me on the social media channels listed here! (Dear Webmaster, can you please provide links to my social media in this part? And also pick your favorite headshot from the prints I sent? Thank you <3)
If you weren't a guidance counselor, what would you be? Home decorator
Lonnie McGee
Teacher and Dorm Marm
Education: Masters in Necromantic Education from Brigham Young University
Hobbies and Interests: Reading, writing, gardening, anything calming. Reality TV is my guilty pleasure.
If you weren't a teacher, what would you be? I couldn't imagine being anything but a teacher!
T-Bone Steak
Teacher
Education: Drama: Masters of Fine Arts at Julliard, Physical Education: Two Year Bachelors Degree at Concordia University
Hobbies and Interests: Surfin', actin', chillin'
If you weren't a teacher, what would you be? I'd be a surfer if I weren't all wiped out and old hat already, man
Snails McGee
Groundskeeper and Security
Education: I was raised in a forest.
Hobbies and Interests: My wife.
If you weren't a groundskeeper, what would you be? Bear trainer.
James Laurentius
School Nurse
Education: Nursing BS at Normandale Community College
Hobbies and Interests: Bowling, movies, video games
If you weren't a nurse, what would you be? Theater Manager
Eli Vennermarch
Janitor
Education: Still figuring it out
Hobbies and Interests: Jogging, pub quizzes, trivia shows
If you weren't a janitor, what would you be? See "Education," I guess
????
School Principal
Education: (webmasters note, 08-12-2013: fill this in when they respond to the info request email)
Hobbies and Interests:
If you weren't a principal, what would you be?
Areas of Study
A School on a Mission
Our school's a hit with rising necromancers! Read about our student life here and see if NIPS is a good fit.
Our Diverse School
Check out a featured sample of our star students!
Rising Star: Nancy Newberry
We caught up with first year, Nancy Newberry, before the sorting ceremony. Nancy grew up in Boston, attended a prestigious private school in New York City, and was shocked to find out she would be spending her last two years of K-12 studying to be a necromancer.
“My parents don’t talk much about what they do,” Nancy told us. “I always thought that they were grave robbers or something. But when I got my NIPS Slip and realized I was a necromancer, they told me that my family has been raising the dead since the Salem Witch Trials.”
We asked Nancy what she hopes to achieve this year and she said, “Not sure. Maybe start an amateur dentistry club, try and make some friends, and become the best goddamn necromancer this school has ever seen.”
Bold choice, Nancy. We wish you luck.
Legacy Student: Vülfgang O’Reilley
First year, Vülfgang, comes from an impressive line of necromancers, including NIPS own guidance counselor, Amadeus O’Reilley. When asked about what he hopes to achieve this year, Vülfgang said, “I’ve been dying to attend NIPS since I was a boy. The academics are off the charts, the teachers are some of the finest in the country, and this is the only necromancy school with a traditional surfing team. I’m just here to suckle knowledge from the teat.”
We’re thrilled to welcome a student with such a diverse academic background. Vülfgang attended boarding school in London, captained many school sports teams, and served as class president for several consecutive years. His father also mentions that Vülfgang has an impressive following on YouTube.
“I’m confident that he’ll bring much acclaim to the Necromantic Instruction Preparatory School,” his father, Amadeus, said. “He’s a talented necromancer but an even better singer. Subscribe to his channel and visit my blog for regular updates. It’s necrofancy.biz.”
First Year Feature: Yeast Bread Loaf
Most first year students start the year a little shy. This isn’t so of Yeast Bread Loaf. When we talked to her at the boat docks, she looked like she’d seen it all before. Long-time friends of NIPS might recognize her name. That’s because she’s the youngest of the Bread Loaf siblings. They all attended NIPS and raised more than spirits in Billy Bones house over the years.
There’s no doubt that Yeast will take after her brothers. She’s drop dead gorgeous. We asked Yeast about her beauty routine and she said, “I don’t go outside.” We stan a goth queen.
Our Houses
We have three houses for students at NIPS. Check out how the sorting process works here. Think you know what house you might be in? Read on and see which one you match!
Billy Bones
Those sorted into Billy Bones are considered physically attractive, creative, dramatic, and adaptable. Students in this house excel at charismatic activities and public speaking. Conversely, they are often considered "drama queens" or "conniving little swear words." Attractiveness is based on a set of standards that are baffling to even us.
The patron god of this house is Burning Man, and it is considered wise to have straw effigies of Burning Man in your possession if you are in this house.
Davy Jones
Those sorted into Davy Jones are considered intelligent, moral, logical, and intuitive. Students in this house are skilled at reasoning and are generally pretty baller at sudoku. However, some consider those in Davy Jones to be "stuck up." Morality is not necessarily based on any set guidelines; the only requirement is that the student has a strong sense of personal ethics.
The patron god of this house is The God of Real Importance. This means that those in this house are inherently more important than others.
Meat
Those sorted into Meat are considered socially aware, tough, muscular, and have a happy-go-lucky attitude. Students in this house are considered "cool to hang out with" and "woke af." Conversely, they are prone to illegal drug usage.
The patron god of this house is Knife. It's recommended students in this house practice their chopping skills regularly.
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Arts and Athletics
Sports
Our school has a diverse range of sports teams and physical activities for your child to participate in.
- Badmitton (The CatNIPS) - Captain: Vülfgang O'Reilly
- Dance Team (The TapNIPS) - Captain: Vülfgang O'Reilly
- Football (The CatNIPS) - Captain: Vülfgang O'Reilly
- Lacrosse (The CatNIPS) - Captain: Vülfgang O'Reilly
- Surfing (The CatNIPS) - Captain: Vülfgang O'Reilly
Arts and Other Activities
We also have a wide range of arts and creative activities to offer all students.
- Jazz Choir
- Band
- Slam Poetry
- Erotic Life Drawing
- 3D Art
